Hope is lost today, with you, Sushant Singh Rajput, I have lost a spirit in me. I have been into depression, have battled my way into surviving through it in 2013 though I am not confident that if I suppressed it or got rid of it completely.
Some part of my hope died with you. With my struggles in keeping up with my surrounding, being an introvert isn’t easy.
It has been hard for me; your departure from this world has made it worse. While I watched the news, I saw anchors showing your father on screen. Questioning you, “why would you leave your father in such a state?”
Why don’t people think about the pain you were going through that was so hard to bear that you preferred being suffocated to death with your own hands over it.
I see people from your industry expressing their grief over your demise. But had you been alive, these people would rush to replace you in any film or work. People talk about being empathetic, but would not leave any stone unturned to belittle you or drag you down. They won’t let you take a break from the cut-throat competition.
I read that Sushant Singh was supposedly dating Rhea Chakraborty. I watched Sushant Singh Rajput’s Uncle statement on a Bengali Girl. He made claims that Sushant Singh Rajput’s stress was related to a Bengali Girl, though he didn’t name the name on the news channel. I know relationship woes sound like a petty reason to be depressed.
I know it doesn’t qualify as a good tragedy for someone to end their life. But aren’t all human beings the same? If a relationship/Boyfriend/Girlfriend isn’t a good enough reason for someone to be stressed, then why people never stop searching for connections. Why people have heartbreaks, why they never stop migrating from one person to another to find the one?
Though depression could be for multiple reasons, I am not sure what was yours. The only thing I could figure out watching the news, your family, and reading story are that you did not have anyone by your side in your last moment. By your previous moment, I do not mean that when you took your last breath. But your precious moment for me was when you gave up when you decided to kill yourself, to end your larger than life image. You were living your dream probably, yet you didn’t have anyone by your side tapping their hands on your shoulder or hugging you to support you.
Perhaps all the love in the world isn’t enough, all that financial stability isn’t enough if you can’t find your peace. Your journey is inspiring, motivating, and impactful, but your death can not beat the impact of your success. You wouldn’t realize, but you left us with many questions, “what is enough, when is it going to be enough?” When will we be truly happy and not just smiling at the moment?
Till I find these answers I will keep living my journey, will learn to cherish the small good things I have in my life, I will learn new things and continue my struggle. “Life.” Because you have changed my perspective a bit today, I lost some part of my courage with your day. I don’t know you personally, but this feels more personal than I thought about Irrfan Khan’s death. I hope others learn to live as well; I am sure I am not the only one having it hard. Our degrees of struggle, our reasons could be entirely different, but maybe our state of mind is the same. Let’s bear this struggle together.
Had Sushant Singh Rajput not given up, things would have been different. You could have come out in open sharing your journey and inspiring us, making us believe that you overcame and so could we. But you did make us feel in one thing. Success isn’t enough for everyone. It’s not the most essential thing for every phase we live.